Straight to China aka God Bless Hulu

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm fully capable of vegging out to some fabulous trash TV. Heck, it was pretty much the evening agenda during my ''Single Ladies" Tanglewood summers. But HBOAsia takes it to new lows, making me curse bless my husband for introducing me to the enlightened programming of Operation Repo, even leading me to reconsider the possibility that "More to Love" perhaps actually IMPROVED my IQ back in the day.

Here in China, you can forget movies that go straight to DVD. (Oh how I would kill for such quality cinema!) Instead, China is mecca for (primarily sci-fi) American movies so laughable that they must skip DVD and go straight to TV in a non-English speaking country. Such is the lifeblood of HBOAsia. A channel created to torture expats, where the actors can deny all culpability, and the Western world can remain blissfully unaware.

Just so you all don't feel like you're missing out. I've assembled clips from some of our favorites. Now go pop some banana flavored popcorn and get watchin'!

Frost Giant: An explorer and his team search for a 19th century shipwreck off the coast of Antarctica. The team digs up an alien ice creature that (spoiler alert) kills the explorers and heads to the mainland, where it begins sucking the heat energy from Earth.

Dinocroc vs. Supergator: Enough said.

Sharktopus: A military weapons experiment goes horribly wrong.

Osmosis Jones--I think Bill Murray apologized for the wrong movie in Zombieland (one of the primo movies to air here on HBOAsia!)

Triassic Attack: A Native American owner of a kitschy roadside museum accidentally brings to life three dinosaur fossils. Really annoyed, the giant dinos wreak havoc on the small town and the local university.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant: Bizarre tale of a boy who wants to become a vampire. Featuring several recognizable Hollywood actors who were apparently desperate for a paycheck in 2009.

Dinosapien: An afternoon children's show, just so the kids aren't left out of the mutant Dinocroc/Supergator/Sharktopus fad. When searching for a clip online, it is frightening how many languages this show has been dubbed in!

Now those of you dedicated enough to read/watch this far, here's where we need your help. We've been eyeing this DVD at the local corner store. We've come close to buying it, but can't bring ourselves to waste $1.42 on it. I see on imdb.com it actually opened on two whole screens in May 2011, so perhaps you've all already seen it. But if you, the discerning public cry out, we are willing to watch it so we can keep you fully informed. Just let us know. We're here for you!

Hobo with a Shotgun: A homeless vigilante blows away crooked cops, pedophile Santas, and other scumbags with his trusty pump-action shotgun.